Right now I am on holiday. A week to go in my childhood home, trying to figure out life. Going back to University fills me with joy – I never really realized how happy I am now that I live in halls in the middle of all the student life and it’s hustle and bustle. How nice it is that I can get back to my cozy little den and carry on with life. See my new friends, enjoy the campus which will no doubt be beautifully quiet over the holidays. Hopefully we will see a dusting of snow at some point.
Being here, in the middle of very little, reminds me about my youth and childhood, how things were and how far away I have become. How things have changed and how far I have become. And at the same time, how far away I have yet to go, once I find my direction.
I suppose it has made me realize that I love the student life quite a lot, and that a PhD application for me is a must, that I want to stay in my current University and my halls, get my life sorted out a bit more and ponder. But it has also made me ponder whether there is a point for me to do a PhD, or rather, where will it all lead?
For a long while now I have been thinking of returning back to my homeland, but this trip, it has made me realize that much as I live this place, much as my roots are here, I want to have this country as somewhere where I can come to get away from my everyday life. A place to relax and enjoy my life without the complications and the hassle. My life, that is somewhere else. This is my safe space, my emergency exit from life. Somewhere where I can come and see my family, until I can then safely leave them behind again and life my life how I want it to. There is finally some clarity, even if I am not certain that where I live now is the place for me.
So yes, things are a tad clearer now, in certain senses- In others, who knows. My main priority is, on my arrival, to update my diary, books some careers appointments, start finishing my year in the way that I want to start my new one. Aim a bit higher in life, a bit higher in education.